


Seven Bowie Songs

by feverbeats



Category: Luther (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-25
Updated: 2011-04-25
Packaged: 2017-10-18 16:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/190660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feverbeats/pseuds/feverbeats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian can't make reality bend for him, because he's not John and never was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seven Bowie Songs

_Starman_

One of the first things John says to him is, “How much d’you know about Bowie?”

Ian blinks. “David Bowie?”

John laughs what Ian will quickly come to recognize as his “I’m fucking with you” laugh. “That’s the one. D’you like him?” He tilts his head like a dog waiting for approval.

“Sure, yeah, I like him. What’s that got to do with—”

John pushes away from the desk, rubbing his hands together. “Just wanted to make sure we could work together. Come on, Teller says we’ve got a case.”

So that’s Ian’s first clue that John’s fucking _weird_.

 _Rebel Rebel_

“I told you to fucking _wait_!”

Ian hasn’t seen Rose say _fuck_ on the job in years. He also hasn’t seen many people flat-out ignore the rules like John does.

“If I’d waited,” John says, not even shouting, “those two little girls would be dead.”

Ian sees Rose’s jaw clench, but he’s not ready for her to run her hand through her hair in exasperation and say, “Don’t let me catch you doing it again.”

John turns to Ian and grins. “Told you it’d be fine.”

Ian considers asking for a reassignment. Instead, he slings his arm around John. “Yeah.”

 _Absolute Beginners_

John’s already married when he starts with them, and he’d never do anything to hurt Zoe.

So when, after an especially bad case, he shoves Ian against a wall and touches him, Ian isn’t ready. “John,” he manages to get out over the distraction of John’s hands on him, “Hey, John, what’re you doing, mate?”

“I don’t know.” His sounds miserable. “Just—let me—Bad day.”

It’s not like Ian hasn’t thought about it, but he doesn’t know what they’re doing, doesn’t know _how_ to do this right, or even at all. So he says, “Yeah—Yeah, okay. Okay, sure.”

 _Jump They Say_

The first time Ian catches John on a rooftop, he’s just stopped John trying to kill a child porn peddler.

“Good place to think,” Ian says. He reaches for John’s shoulder, but when John tenses, Ian snatches his hand back, fast as possible.

“Trying not to think, actually.” John doesn’t turn around when he says it.

Ian’s glad. He doesn’t want to see John’s face right now. “Might want to take a step back.”

John laughs. “Then again, I might not. What d’you think? Should I?”

“I’m short a few quid for a coffee,” Ian says. “Come buy me one?”

 _Modern Love_

Then Ian complicates things by falling for Zoe. _Sorry_ doesn’t begin to cover it.

“John’s a mess,” Zoe says.

“Zoe’s perfect,” John says.

And Ian winds up scrambling desperately not to say anything in case it’s the wrong thing, in case it’ll bring his world tumbling down. Besides, he’s got other ways to ruin his life, if he’s looking.

Hating John gets easier, at least when Ian’s with Zoe. Hating Zoe gets easy when he’s with her, too. It’s when he’s with John that the trouble starts, because he _can’t_ hate him then, he can only keep lying for him.

 _Scary Monsters ( & Super Creeps)_

John breaks all of a serial rapist’s ribs and one of his arms before Ian stops him. This is just the latest in a long series of things Ian’s let John do off the record. (Because it’s John, and the rules don’t apply to John. Or because it’s John and Ian would let him get away with anything if it meant the things with Zoe didn’t count.)

“I sometimes wonder,” John says, slow and careful as always, “What makes me so different from some of those men out there?”

Ian shrugs sharply. “You’re still sane, for one.”

“Yeah. There's that.”

 _John, I’m Only Dancing_

So really, who can blame Ian for any of it? John’s fucked up a hundred times, and he only got away with it because Ian let him. Framing him is practically justice.

But no, none of that fits. Ian can’t make impossible things fit, because he’s not John and he never was. Zoe hated him and the law wouldn’t bend for him.

“Starman” is on the radio and his hands are shaking on the wheel. He’s not sorry for anything but the fact that he can’t tell the difference between wanting to kill John and wanting John to kill him.


End file.
